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Does anyone feel the way I do? Are you so totally exhausted you cannot do the things you once enjoyed? I used to love reading a good book but now I get only half way down a page and my head starts drifting forwards due to extreme tiredness, I can hardly keep my eyes open, I need matchsticks to hold my lids up. I then start to question myself because I have slept most of the day so how much sleep does my body need before I can function normally again?
Yet I have been told the sleep I do get is not adequate, it is not giving me the quality of sleep my body so desperatly needs. When I had my accident back in 2003 when I broke 12 bones due to a 30 foot fall I started to do a brand new hobby, that of card making.
I really enjoyed making cards for my family and friends but today I cannot even do that because now the thought of getting my stuff together tires me just at the thought of it. Somedays, well if I am honest most days I am too tired to have a shower! I was NEVER this way, I was alway scrupuously clean in my hygeine department, it frustrates me no end because all I can manage is what I call a top and tale, basically I use a chair to sit at the sink in my bathroom and have a flannel wash. My hair doesn't get washed as often as I would like either because it is just so tiring!
When I do wash my hair, I then have to dry it and then I use my straitghteners on it, but by this time my whole body is warning me to sit down otherwise I will fall down with exhaustion. I get ringing in my ears then my whole body goes wet! I cry most days because I feel like I do not have a life anymore, I can hardly walk now due to the pain. I am supported by my 2 crutches, yes crutches and not walking sticks, this is because I do not want to feel I am getting old before my time. When on the very rare occasion I do go to the supermarket with my Carer I look on at the people who use the buggies in store to make their visit less painful getting around, but I refuse to use them because again I don't want to appear I am getting old before my time. How stupid I am right?
I know I am, really I should be pushed about in a wheelchair now and my daughter's whom I love so much want to buy me a wheelchair, but I tell them I am not that bad when in reality I AM THAT BAD! The consequence of me pushing my body to do this extra hurdle is when I do return home I fall asleep like a baby and that is then me completely useless then for 2 or 3 days because I won't fall in line with what many other Fibromyalgia sufferers do. Why am I doing this to myself? Why is my body letting me down? WHY do I hurt so bad? WHY do I feel so isolated?
WHY am I so extremely tired 24/7? Diptrace serial crack for winavid. WHY do I not understand the concept of pain? Surely when one breaks a bone it heals and then one should be fine, so WHY is it I am in all this pain still?
I feel my life is just an existance, I do not have a life! At first, at the beginning of my accident I felt optimistic I was going to get better, I even went back to college to study I.T. But as the month's went by, my body went spiralling downhill as I became more and more lethargic. Now I cannot commit to anything! I therefore now feel I am a prisoner in my own home. It doesn't help matters the fact I live alone, I feel I am becoming institutionalised in my own home.
The only thing I do is watch T.V. But then I don't even do that, because I can be looking in the direction of my T.V. But my mind is not on it because I am trying so hard to get comfortable to eleviate the pain I am in. I even keep my T.V. On 24/7 because I am lonely plus scared that I now live on my own, my T.V.